And just like your arrival here, there are conditions; you depart without personal effects; you can leave at any time; and there is a strict no cancellation policy.
It’s the “round trip” part of it that reveals the elephant in the room. But we keep figuring out ways to think of death as optional.
Honest conversations about death are one of the least talked about topics in society - despite the fact that it’s relevant to all of us.
Look it up – it’s been confirmed – 100% of us will die.
Want to silence a room? Just mention that you are grieving – someone you loved dearly died. That pin dropping will be deafening!
So here is a hard question - how do you want to die?
“Not at all” isn’t an option.
Most of the time we are so busy going through the motions, distracted by the craziness of life, until we eventually look up and "surprise" – there’s the elephant that we’ve ignored for so long!
And he’s holding your departure ticket.
Many times it’s only in that moment that you acknowledge that it's truly inevitable.
And somebody has to feed the elephant peanuts.
Let’s try again: “How do you want to die?” What are the things that matter at the end of life?
Cue in the term ‘good death’. What does that even mean? How can death have anything good? How do we let go of a life?
For some it means being at peace, being supported by loved ones, knowing your life had purpose - these are all are trademarks of what we envision a good death to be.
The truth is that each of us will likely land in a range of situations – it may be peaceful – it may not.
But there is more to be considered. In most cases, dying isn't just a moment. It can be an extended period of time with a huge variety of issues. In the world we live in today, medical care is tremendous and can do amazing life-sustaining things. But should they always be used?
What do you want your quality of life to look like at this point in your life? Do you want to be hooked up to life sustaining machines? Under what conditions should you have a feeding tube? If you are frail and weak, should medical experts try to resuscitate you?
We all want to be able to say that we did everything we could for our loved ones. But how much intervention is too much? How far do you want medical professionals to go? Because if they don't know, situations can arise you may not want.
It’s certainly a lot to think about.
I don't think anyone can ever feel comfortable talking about these types of things. And it’s almost impossible to micromanage death. But you can plan and make your wishes known.
Think about talking to your family sooner than later about what’s important to you and what your preferences are.
And then make sure they have the supporting documentation to carry out your wishes.
It’s a hard thing to put your family members in the position of having to make choices for you when they are distraught and heartbroken and then have to wonder the rest of their lives if they did the right thing.
I had to make decisions that I didn’t want to make. Signed my name to official documents as tears rolled down my face.
While the world did not stop spinning, mine did.
I still had to plan a funeral and then another. Obituaries had to be written, mounds of paperwork filled out and endless death certificates needed sent.
All of it sooner than expected. The elephant lost patience.
Please inform yourself about what options are available. Following is a resource that might be helpful – but shouldn’t be substituted for a conversation with your medical professionals if possible:
http://theconversationproject.org/
The Conversation Project is dedicated to helping people talk about their wishes for end-of-life care. They have starter kits that are free.
The more we talk about this subject the more light we’ll shine upon it. Take the time to shine some light on it with your family soon.
Remember, before you leave this trip on earth, either you or your family will have to feed peanuts to the elephant in the room that you’ve ignored for all these years.
Look at the elephant.